The Kindness of Strangers... UGH!
When you have multiples you end up finding yourself accosted by strangers... more so than usual. However, since I've never had a singleton, I don't know WHAT usual is, so perhaps that generalization isn't fair. Whatever. You get "used" to people making inane comments ("Are they twins?" "No, they are six months apart in age." "Oh, you poor thing - double trouble!" "Better me than you!") But the stupid things people say to you could be a whole other post... what this post is about is the "kindness" of strangers.
So what is it that makes people feel they have the "right" to intercede in a parent - child interaction? I admit, I am guilty of it too -- but I feel there are certain boundaries. I mean... if I see a mother out who is just TOTALLY about to lose it or they are struggling with a tantrum-y child, I will make eye contact and just say something like, "Hang in there" or "You're doing great, Mom!" just to offer that person a little validation. Hey - some of us are there a LOT more than others and it just helps to know that you are NOT the only Mom about to go INSANE!!
Well, this morning I took the tweebs (Kim Possible "speak" -- twins + dweebs = tweebs) to breakfast. It was our "trial run" of getting back into the groove of waking up to the alarm clock and getting moving in the morning, so I figured it was smart to just LEAVE the house, too. We went to "The Pancake House" (think IHOP or Perkins) and as we were leaving and paying the bill, there was a small charity box there for the local Food Pantry. The boys asked what it was, so sensing the opportunity for a little "lesson", I seized it. I explained that it was a box where you could put donations in that helped out the needy to purchase food for people who didn't have any... and so I said, "Would you both like to put in a quarter?"They said yes, so I dug out two quarters and handed them each one, and they held them over the slot. Kevin put his in, but Patrick turned to me and said, "I think I changed my mind."I just said, "No you didn't - put it in."
Well, there was a woman behind us who reached into HER pocketbook & pulled out a quarter, and asked me what his name was. She kept reaching past me with the quarter saying she wanted to give it to him, and I just said, No, that it wasn't necessary -- that it was my quarter to begin with. At that, the kids & I walked out the door. Patrick was NOT squawking about it, and neither was Kevin... it was just that split second when Patrick decided he didn't want to drop his quarter in, but then he did it without a second glance when I told him to. (And c'mon -- it's not like my kids are OBEDIENT or anything, so if it was an "issue", they WOULD have squawked!!)
Well, BITE ME IF THAT WOMAN DIDN'T FOLLOW ME INTO THE PARKING LOT!!!Can you BELIEVE it? She asked me again what his name was and walked up to the car and handed him the quarter, then gave one to Kevin, and said, "When you do something nice it comes back to you." I just stood there in shock with my mouth hanging open. Yes, I WAS speechless. And pissed as all get out. So as she walked past me, I just said, "Well, that was very nice of you but not necessary." She muttered something under her breath as she walked away and I just ignored her -- didn't think it was necessary to lecture her about how I'm trying to raise my children in the parking lot of The Pancake House with the boys listening... and she really had me in such a pinch that I don't even know how I would have gotten anything out of my head and into my mouth LOL!!
I mean, in a way I could understand what she did. We DO teach that when you give you get blessings in return... but I think it was more that she thought I was being mean to the kids making them put money into the box that they wanted to keep -- but it really WASN'T like that. But I really felt she crossed that boundary of pushing the issue of giving the kids quarters.
When I got into the car, I then had to answer questions about "why did that lady give us back our quarters?"... "Does that mean that everytime we do something good we're gonna get it right back?" So here I am, turned around in the front seat, trying to get their brains to click back into our "teachings" of how we need to show we appreciate how fortunate we are by helping out others, blah blah blah. However, all they seem to have learned is that Mommy is wrong for having them donate things.#*()@#()*$$$ Kindness of strangers, my ass!
So -- would you have continued to refuse the woman her desire to hand your kids quarters back? (Especially since it would have resulted in a confrontation, I'm sure! - she had the "hell or high water" look on her face LOL!!) What are your thoughts on how to turn this awkward situation into a POSITIVE learning situation??
2 comments:
Ah, Michelle. It is a hard task you have opened. I too can see what she was trying to do, but I can also see your point that she shouldn't intrude. Maybe she had lost a child, or struggled with an ungiving child and was trying to make herself feel better by rewarding the generosity of your kids? Who knows (we probably never will)? What would I have done? I would have let her give the boys their quarters right there in the store, then had them drop them right into the charity box, given the lady a big smile, and marched out. My Mom used to call that being a "sweet ass" instead of a "smart ass".
I think I agree though Michelle... I would have had them donate that quarter too right in front of her. I see her point but I understand the point you are trying to make too.
Its like the "stupid" person who gave William a quarter when he was having a fit becuase I said I didn't have one for him to put in the machine for bubble gum. I know they were trying to be helpful and end the fit but they totally missed the long ride on the boat!
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